Nice work if you can get it.

UFC welterweight Jorge Masvidal got paid the equivalent of $14.4 million an hour at UFC 239 in Las Vegas, based on the $200,000 purse he won for just five seconds of action against Ben Askren — the fastest knockout in UFC history.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “U.S. Soccer Federation argues it’s ridiculous for female players to expect same pay as huge stars like Daniel Lovitz, Djordje Mihailovic.”

• At Fark.com: “Mets announce plans for statue of Tom Seaver, which will be traded to Cincinnati about 10 years from now for a bag of balls.”

Some Bird nest

Larry Bird’s Tudor-style mansion in Indianapolis — on the market for $2.35 million — boasts 10,000 square feet on 1.5 acres, with five bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms, home theater, billiard room, wine cellar, pub, fitness facility and a trash-talking room.

OK, just kidding on the last one.

He wasn’t bluffing

Football, it turns out, isn’t the only sport that boasts end-zone celebrations.

An unidentied player was disqualified on the first day of the World Series of Poker Main Event, PokerNews.com reported, after he threw his shoes, dropped his pants and mooned the table.

Good seats available

Greenland is the least densely populated nation in the world, according to 24/7 Wall Street, with only 0.4 people per square mile.

In other words, it’s the Marlins Park of countries.

A good ride, spoiled

The R&A turned down John Daly’s request to use a golf cart in this year’s British Open.

As well as any hopes of using “Ticket To Ride” as his walk-up music.

Horsing around

Maryland is the worst state for retirees, according to a study by Bankrate.com.

Unless, of course, you’re a former Preakness winner being put out to stud.

Sacking his chips

Former Patriots star Richard Seymour finished 131st — in the top 1.5 percent — when he was eliminated on the fifth day at the World Series of Poker.

In other words, four-and-out.

Running buffs

The Roskilde Music Festival in Denmark kicked off with its 21st annual Naked Run, in which competitors wear nothing but sneakers, socks and maybe some strategically placed body paint.

So who needs the Running of the Bulls when you can have the Running of the Bares?

The Mendoza Line lives!

What, was it 80 Percent Off Week in New York or something?

The Mets slashed ticket prices by 80 percent the rest of the season — less than 24 hours after new Net Kevin Durant announced he’s changing his jersey number from 35 to 7.

Talking the talk

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on Megan Rapinoe sweeping the Golden Boot and Golden Ball awards: “If there were such a thing at the World Cup as the Golden Microphone, she’d have won that, too.”

• Reno Aces catcher Cody Decker, to reporters, on retiring in the middle of his 11th season, virtually all in the minors: “I’ve given everything to this game: my blood, my sweat, my tears, my hairline.”

• Tim Hunter of KRKO Radio, after John Daly withdrew from the British Open, citing a spider bite: “Just in case you’re wondering, the spider is doing fine.”

Carry on

A Lithuanian couple won the 28th annual World Wife Carrying Championship in Sonkajarvi, Finland, on July 8.

Just think of it as the flip side of U.S. soccer, where the women carry the men.

1 out of 3 is bad

Australian Olympic silver-medal cyclist Jack Bobridge was sentenced to 4½ years for selling the drug ecstasy.

Don’t know about faster or stronger, but Bobridge seems to have mastered the “higher” part.

Paging Bob Knight

The Red Sox reportedly want to trade for Mets pitcher Zack Wheeler.

And if Boston pushes hard enough, insiders say, Mets GM Brodie Van Wagenen might even throw in a chair.

Quote marks

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, via Twitter, envisioning Urban Meyer’s first day of teaching his character and leadership course at Ohio State: “Urban: ‘Class, the first rule of leadership is to understand that it’s not lying; it’s just a terminological inexactitude.’ ”

• BC Sports Hall of Fame curator Jason Beck, to The Vancouver Sun, on how they maneuvered a sputtering 63-year-old Zamboni into the building: “It took four of us. It was like that scene in Austin Powers — we did about 17 little mini-turns.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after five people were hurt during this year’s Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain: “How do you say ‘I want a Darwin Award’ in Spanish?”

Cincy goes Sha Na Na

The Reds wore throwback sleeveless jerseys in their 11-1 loss to the Indians on July 7.

So where’s the Ted Kluszewski bobbleheads?

Icing on the cake

And the smoothest move of the week goes to the British Columbia Sports Hall of Fame, which just added a 1956 Zamboni Model F — the first Zamboni ever used in the province and just the 56th one ever made.

Quote, end quote

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter, on the Running of the Bulls: “Or as the bulls call it, ‘The Goring of the Drunk Idiots.’ ”

• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after thousands of fish died in the Kentucky River following a fire at a Jim Beam warehouse: “Not only did it kill them, they were all sloshed to the gills.”

His record is safe

Reno Aces catcher Cody Decker hit a walkoff home run — his 197th, most among active minor leaguers — and immediately announced his retirement.

That sound of popping Champagne corks you heard was courtesy of Crash Davis.