Credit Lenny Dykstra with another diving catch.

The former big-leaguer, 56, spent nine hours scouring through a dumpster behind a Jersey Mike’s Subs shop in Linden, N.J., before finally finding his $80,000 dentures he’d wrapped in a napkin while dining and inadvertently wound up in the trash.

“I thought the cops were going to arrest me for trespassing,” Dykstra told the Newark Star-Ledger. “I wasn’t leaving my teeth there in the dumpster. No way was I leaving them.”

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Josh McCown retires after signing one-day contract with Cardinals, Lions, Raiders, Dolphins, Panthers, 49ers, Bears, Buccaneers, Browns, Jets.”

• ESPN graphic, listing the Knicks’ draft needs: “Everything (starters and bench).”

Max effort

Nationals ace Max Scherzer pitched seven shutout innings against the Phillies last week — one day after breaking his nose in a batting-practice mishap.

For some strange reason, he threw fewer breaking pitches than usual.

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The puck stops here

Quebec’s provincial legislature passed a controversial immigration bill that screens migrants based on their labor skills.

Question No. 1 on the new application form: How good is your slap shot?

Running on empty

French golfer Clement Berardo got disqualified from a European Tour Challenge Tour event in Spain last week when he ran out of balls on the 16th hole.

Forget three strikes — no balls and you’re out!

Heads you lose

A report says humans are growing spikes on the back of their skulls from smartphone use.

No, wait — those are just the inhabitants of the Raiders’ Black Hole.

Yawning in Technicolor

Blues forward Zach Sanford puked all over himself during the team’s Stanley Cup celebration parade through St. Louis.

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Forget the five hole — cover the pie hole!

Parent scrap

Police had to be called to a 7-year-olds’ baseball game in Lakewood, Colo., when parents and coaches from both sides stormed the field after a controversial call and began pummeling each other.

This never would have happened if they’d only had instant replay.

Packing ’em in

The Packers presented Paul McCartney with a stock certificate before a concert at Lambeau Field, making him an official team shareholder.

No word on whether Sir Paul serenaded Aaron Rodgers with “Baby, You’re A Rich Man.”

Going, going … still going

The National Weather Service says it has no explanation for two white spheres spotted moving over Kansas City.

Best guess is a couple Jorge Soler home-run balls that haven’t come down yet.

Shirts & Skins Dept.

A Babe Ruth jersey sold for a record $5.64 million at auction.

Which, according to CelebrityNetWorth.com, is seven times the Babe’s net worth the day he died in 1948.

Foiled?

A federal grand jury is investigating the Harvard fencing coach’s sale of his home for nearly twice its assessed value to a wealthy Maryland businessman whose teenage son was seeking admission to the university, The Boston Globe reported.

Which would certainly put a whole new spin on “playing with house money.”

One pun, pun, pun

Brace yourselves for a bunch of puns on the name of the player the Mariners got in return in the Edwin Encarnacion trade — pitcher Juan Then.

Not wanting to overdo it, we’ll try to limit ourselves to just Juan, then.

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Talking the talk

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after five-star football recruit Bru McCoywho signed with USC, bolted to Texas, then transferred back to USC again: “Something tells me Lori Loughlin had something to do with this. Bru is now on the USC rowing team.”

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on Judge Judy getting paid $47 million in her show’s 20th season: “Only LeBron James got paid more to sit on the bench.”

Get me marketing

Former XFL running back Rod Smart was discovered OK after relatives reported he’d been missing for a week.

So how soon till we see the first “He Found Me” jersey?

Diminishing returns

O.J. Simpson joined the Twitterverse this month, but the disgraced ex-football star’s first tweeted video drew 11.2 million viewers (as of June 17), his second drew 6.1 million and the third 1.9 million.

“A definite trend that suggests only one thing,” wrote Greg Cote of The Miami Herald. “O.J. Simpson can be just as banal and boring on social media as the rest of us.”

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Quote, end quote

• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, noting that the NBA champ is from Canada and the NHL champ is from the U.S.: “What everyone really wants to know is: Who gets to claim curling?”

• Blue Jays GM Ross Atkins, to reporters, on the team’s disappointing season: “Really, it’s just been our overall ability to prevent runs and score them.”

• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, on the Lakers trading: Lonzo Ball to the Pelicans. “His dad LaVar was so upset he will have to change the family business name to Big Bawler.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the end of another long NBA season: “So I presume the preseason starts next week?”

• Lakewood Police spokesman John Romero, to HLN, on the brawling parents: “We were disgusted, quite frankly. Baseball and 7-year-old kids — it’s the parents that need to grow up here. That’s the saddest part.”