Astros shortstop Carlos Correa says he broke a rib while getting a home massage, landing him on the injured list for at least three weeks.

That’s what you call getting rubbed the wrong way.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Blues forced to forfeit Stanley Cup after exhausting annual travel budget.”

• In the New York Daily News: “Lakers’ clown car could drive free agents to Knicks.”

Or was it E3PO?

The Mariners — who’ve given up a whopping 55 unearned runs per game this season — hosted Star Wars Fireworks Night on Friday.

And there wasn’t a dry eye in the house when R2 E-6 threw out the ceremonial first pitch.

Ups and downs

Speaking of the Mariners, has an MLB team ever been 11 games over .500 and 11 games under .500 — before June 1 — in the very same season?

Pass the superglue

Pete Rose is finally in the Hall of Fame — the National Bobblehead Hall of Fame.

Coincidence? Museum curators discovered the Ray Fosse doll on the floor, broken, the very next morning.

Math quiz

The phrase “4,788 suckers” made headlines last week when:

a) Officials at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport discovered thousands of blood-thirsty leeches stashed in a traveler’s carry-on luggage

b) The number of Marlins season-ticket holders was revealed

Looks good on paper

A 110-year-old Honus Wagner baseball card fetched $1.2 million on the SCP Auctions block.

Not bad for a guy whose annual salary averaged $6,595 — and never surpassed $10,000 — for his 21-year career.

Soccer to ’em

Erling Braut Haaland scored nine goals as Norway thrashed Honduras 12-0 at the FIFA U-20 World Cup in Poland.

So is that what you call a hat trick hat trick?

Take a number

Never thought we’d see the day when the final queue to summit Everest was longer than a restroom line at Wrigley.

Trophies for everyone!

The 94th annual Scripps National Spelling Bee ended in an unprecedented eight-way tie.

Eliciting congratulatory texts from Bud Selig and Major League Soccer.

Unsafe travels

A report says 7 of the 8 most dangerous states are in the Southeast U.S., according to FBI statistics.

Especially if your college scheduled a nonconference football game there.

Talking the talk

• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, after Dennis Rodman — accused of slapping a Florida man’s face in a bar — saying he’s never hit anyone in his life: “That must be comforting for the cameraman Rodman kicked in the groin.”

• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after the NHL suspended the Blues’ Oskar Sundqvist for boarding the Bruins’ Matt Grzelcyk: “Apparently he hit him so hard he knocked the vowels out of both their names.”

Tree Rollins, perhaps?

NBA ref Ron Garretson was arrested for DUI in Lake Havasu City, Ariz., after he crashed his car into a tree.

Police knew something wasn’t adding up when he kept insisting it was a blocking foul.

Tweet of the Week

From Tyler Kepner of The New York Times: “On (May 26), the last full day of Bill Buckner’s life, 16 major-leaguers struck out at least three times. Buckner played 22 seasons and never did it once.”

Quote marks

• Fritzy from the Dan Patrick Show, on Packers QB Aaron Rodgers dissing the “Game of Thrones” series finale: “Maybe Aaron should worry more about the end to the Packers’ season.”

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, with an NBA suggestion: “The courtside seat of rapper/Toronto Raptors fanatic Drake should come with a lap belt.”

• Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun, on Ben Simmons’ rough postseason: “He lost with the Sixers in Round 2. And he and his girlfriend, the first team all-star Kendall Jenner, are no more.”

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, after President Trump shot a 112 while playing golf with Japanese Prime Minister Abe: “But insisted it’s a 68 after the exchange rate.”