Think Derek Dietrich might have a Target endorsement in his future?
The Reds slugger got hit by pitches six times June 20-22 against the Brewers — thrice in one game — to break the MLB record for a single series.
• At Fark.com: “Santa Anita Park might as well be sponsored by Elmer’s at this point.”
• At TheOnion.com: ”Norfolk Tides third baseman sent down to Baltimore Orioles.”
Opening a can
Spinach a PED? Ecdysterone, a “naturally occurring steroid hormone,” can be found in the leafy vegetable, say scientists at Freie Universität Berlin.
“Believe me now?” exclaimed Bluto.
According to Le’Veon Bell’s 911 call, the last time the Jets running back saw those two ”girlfriends” who allegedly stole $500,000 of his stuff, he was leaving for the gym and they were still naked in his bed.
In other words: Bares 2, Jet 0.
You go, guy
Ex-Warriors forward and broadcaster Tom Tolbert, who once joked about getting a statue at the Warriors’ new arena in San Francisco, was given a different honor — a Tom Tolbert urinal (complete with plaque) in the Chase Center’s media restroom.
So when Tolbert brags ”I’m No. 1” … no kidding!
No Cam do
Panthers QB Cam Newton, finding his 6-5, 245-pound frame cramped into a economy-class seat on the 10-hour flight back from Men’s Fashion Week in Paris, offered a man $1,500 to give up his first-class seat — and the man refused.
Just his luck — probably a Falcons fan.
Or maybe a fuzzy antler
Wildlife agents in British Columbia reunited a fawn with its mother after a man was spotted carrying the baby deer in a Kootenay liquor store.
Apparently he was rounding up the ingredients for a Bambi Cocktail.
Californians carry the country’s highest mortgage debt — an average of $347,000.
“Cry me a river,” say the Baltimore Orioles. “We still owe Chris Davis $100 million!”
Time to bear down
The Leadville Trail Marathon in Colorado Springs, Colo., was briefly interrupted when a bear crossed the course midway through the race.
For some strange reason, competitors ran the second half of the race faster than the first.
Grounds for discussion
In health and fitness news, a study says drinking coffee can help people burn fat.
It certainly shrinks your wallet.
Talking the talk
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, on the Mets apologizing after manager Mickey Callaway and pitcher Jason Vargas threatened Newsday’s Tim Healey: “Apparently they thought ‘beat reporter’ was less of a job title and more of a command.”
• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, via Twitter, on Steve Spurrier’s proposed new restaurant: “Do you want that steak rare, medium or Fun and Done?”
Rivera runs through it
Hall of Fame closer Mariano Rivera hit an inside-the-park home run in his first Yankees Old-Timers’ Day appearance.
Hey, don’t laugh. Babe Ruth used to pitch, didn’t he?
A’s ace Frankie Montas has been suspended 80 games after testing positive for PEDs.
Officials knew something was amiss when his fastball broke the sound barrier.
He’s off the hook
Angels star Mike Trout says he gets asked every season to participate in the All-Star Home Run Derby, and he just told MLB no again.
In other words: Trout’s still not biting.
Lend me your cauliflower ear
Tag-team wrestling lives!
The Pac-12 — which has only three schools with wrestling programs — has added Arkansas-Little Rock as an “affiliate member” in that sport to give it the prerequisite six teams to automatically qualify for the NCAA Championships.
• Comedy writer Marc Ragovin, after the NBA fined the Knicks $50,000 for barring a disfavored beat reporter from a news conference: “Lemme get this straight: They won’t allow the guy to cover the team? He should be paying them.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on the officiating in the U.S. women’s 2-1 World Cup win over Spain: “In fact, the refs were so bad, the NBA might hire them.”
• Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun, on Kawhi Leonard’s future prospects: “The best way to chase Kawhi out of Toronto. Bring him to more Blue Jays games.”
• Comedian Argus Hamilton, after the Flying Wallendas traversed a tightrope stretched 25 stories up between two New York skyscrapers: “It’s the safest way to walk 1,300 feet in New York.”
Should be a 3-pointer
D.C. United’s Wayne Rooney caught Orlando City’s Brian Rowe too far out of his net and volleyed a shot from beyond midfield — from 59 yards out, to be exact — and over the retreating Rowe to score one of the longest goals in MLS history.
So eat your heart out, Steph Curry!
Just call him Ace
Chuck Miller, 81, hit two holes-in-one in the same round in Hot Springs Village, Ark. — the second one rolling about 70 yards on the 138-yard, par-3 17th after he sculled his tee shot.
I was thrilled,” he told KARK-TV, “but couldn’t believe such a lousy shot ended up in the hole.”
Miller had hit only one previous ace — 45 years ago.
Urban Planning Dept.
Ex-football coach Urban Meyer is planning to go into the dining-out business.
A spend-more-time-with-your-family restaurant, perhaps?
Quote, end quote
• “Saturday Night Live” star Kenan Thompson, emceeing the NHL Awards in Las Vegas, on the Lightning’s season: “Shout out to my Tampa folks. That’s right, they tied the most wins in a regular season with 62, and then they followed it up by tying the least wins in the playoffs with zero. … Win or lose, they set records.”
• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, after the lead car took a wrong turn, extending the Belfast City Marathon by three-tenths of a mile: “Great. Now all those Volvo drivers have to change their window stickers from 26.2 to 26.5.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the NCAA threatening to ban California schools from championship events if it passes a bill allowing athletes to be compensated for use of their name, image or likeness: “Well, at least this wouldn’t affect any football teams.”